Infidelity therapists

About infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common reasons couples reach out for therapy, and one of the most under-discussed publicly. The discovery of an affair — or the disclosure of one — is a relational trauma in the clinical sense: it disrupts attachment, shakes the partner's sense of reality, and creates symptoms (intrusive imagery, hypervigilance, sleep disruption, emotional flooding) that often meet criteria for acute stress and sometimes PTSD. The partner who was unfaithful often experiences their own complicated mix of shame, defensiveness, and grief.

Affair recovery is structured work, not just generic couples therapy. Therapists who specialize in this area typically draw on Esther Perel's framework, Shirley Glass's research, the Gottman approach to affair recovery, or Emotionally Focused Therapy adapted for betrayal. The structure usually has three phases. The first is crisis stabilization — getting the relationship to a place where both people can engage in repair work without re-traumatizing each other. The second is the investigation phase — understanding what the affair was, what it meant, what conditions in the relationship and in each partner made it possible. The third is the deciding phase — whether to repair and rebuild, or to separate with as much honesty and care as possible.

Both outcomes are legitimate. A skilled therapist will not push you toward either one. Some couples emerge from affair recovery with a meaningfully stronger relationship than they had before; others recognize, often together, that this isn't recoverable, and they grieve and separate. The therapist's job is to help both people see clearly, not to save the marriage at all costs.

What's often misunderstood: the unfaithful partner being remorseful is not enough on its own. Recovery requires sustained transparency over time — answering hard questions repeatedly, without defensiveness — combined with deep work on what made the affair possible. The hurt partner can't move past the betrayal on willpower; the brain processes betrayal in trauma-pattern ways, and trauma needs trauma-informed work.

Individual therapy alongside couples work is often useful, especially for the hurt partner. The trauma response from discovery is significant and benefits from dedicated space that doesn't double as relationship work.

For affairs that involve longstanding patterns — multiple affairs, sexual compulsivity, or what's sometimes called sex addiction — a different specialized track may be needed. Some of the therapists in this directory have experience with that work.

To find a therapist for affair recovery, individual work after an affair, or discernment counseling, browse the profiles below or submit the matching form.